Hello there! so this week I'm going to continue telling you about how I negotiated my way through my existential crisis and came out in one piece on the other side!
I have been working full time since university now for about 11 years and while I have really enjoyed all of my jobs and the people I have met, there has been something missing. The jobs would always start out ok I would very busy learning new job roles and duties, meeting people and forming relationships. But after a few years I found that I had pretty much learnt and mastered all I could in these jobs. They just stopped challenging me.
There wasn't really the opportunity to 'climb the corporate ladder' in these jobs and I guess in a sense I didn't really want to. Once I learnt the basics of the business I lost interest. I'm the type of person that always needs to be challenged and have a goal. This can be a blessing and a curse in a way. A curse because unless you have the get up and go to keep making new goals and challenging yourself you become extremely bored and remain in an eternal rut. If you're self motivated however and constantly challenge yourself, not only do you open up a million opportunities for yourself but you learn and grow more as a person. The more knowledge and wisdom you acquire in life the more you can fine tune who you are and exactly what it is that you want out of life! I seem to fluctuate between these two extremes, there are some things in my life I'm so determined to aim for and persist with until I have achieved it and than other times I allow self doubt and fear to take over!
So here I am in my current job, it's been 7 years now and the challenge of learning has definitely worn off. But technically its a good job that pays well and has good benefits. I had been stuck in a rut career wise for a few years but didn't really realise how bad it was until I had an existential crisis.
This existential crisis snuck up on me quietly. I was very happy in my personal life and would leave the house every morning with a smile on my face excited for the new day ahead but when I walked into that office the reality of yet another day of 'the same old stuff' hit me. By the time I returned home the life had been completely sucked out of me and so I recharged by spending time with my family and friends doing normal fun life stuff but also losing myself in endless episodes of the bold and the beautiful (don't judge me the bold and the beautiful is a quality show... no really I'm serious!)
Being a bold and beautiful enthusiast I would look on you tube for the current American episodes that had been illegally uploaded (disclaimer: illegal uploads are wrong) We're about a month or more behind in Australia so it's a thrill to know what's happening ahead of time! Living on the edge oh yea! ;) While watching these videos I kept seeing a picture of a guy in a hat on the left hand side of the screen that you tube was suggesting to me. I ignored this image for a few days when finally out of annoyance/curiosity I decided to click on it and see what it was all about.
It was a video made by a you tuber called danisnotonfire and watching this video was like taking the red pill in the movie the matrix. Little did I know once I pressed play on that video there was no going back for me! Now you tubers was a totally new thing for me, up until this point I had always thought of you tube as basically a place for funny cat videos and of course illegal uploaded episodes of the bold and beautiful. What had I been doing with my life?? I hadn't even scratched the suface of the youtube world! Well to cut a long story short my education of the world of youtube had begun. I watched endless videos of Danisnotonfire, Amazingphil , The Superamazingproject, Tomska, Ninebrassmonkeys, Jack and Dean, Carrie Fletcher, Sprinkleofglitter, Zoella, Paperlillies, Catrific, Mr Kate, Troye Sivan, Kickthepj, Crabstickz the list could go on forever there are too many favourites to mention.
Watching all of these guys making videos and expressing them selves creatively really hit home to me, This this is what I had been missing! You see for a really long time I had been burying my head in the sand hoping that in some way it would block out the relentless question in my head that I just didn't have an answer for..
What am I meant to be doing with my life?
I still don't know the answer to this question yet but to quote Oprah Winfrey
'What I know for sure' is that I am a creative person. Being creative makes me feel alive! It defines who I am and I've realised that it is the secret to understanding what I should be doing with my life.
The life lesson that I learnt during all of this is to find out what your passionate about in this life and then fill and surround your days, weeks and months with those things!!
I realised that there is a sense of joy and happiness that you recieve from doing something that you really love that is integral to the wellbeing of us humans. There I was so busy juggling all the balls of being a responsible adult that I had forgotten one of them and that was self fulfilment. So with this new found enlightenment I decided to put a plan into action. I sat down and wrote out a list under three headings,
1) What do I love
2) What am I good at
3) What have I always wanted to do
I seriously recommend doing this list it really helps put things in perspective and having it written down on a physical peice of paper some how made it feel more attainable than just being a floating thought in my head.
From looking at this list I gained a better understanding of my self and what I needed to feel happy and fulfilled. It also helped me set myself some new goals. I realised that I had always loved writing and that I wanted to start my own blog post and develop my writing skills. I realised that I missed media, cameras and editing and so I decided to try starting my own you tube channel and making short films. Finally I decided that I wanted to incorporate more creativity in my day to day life. I wanted to develop new skills and start doing those things that I had been putting off for years! For example I cook everyday but I wanted to become better at it master more recipes and well basically get my jamie Oliver on! Also refurbish old furniture and design new furniture, learn to play the piano, read more books and appreciate more music!
Once I started that list i just found more and more things to add to it. Honestly with all the awesome things to do in life who has time for fulltime work I ask you?? :p I still have those days at work (like we all do) when it seems like the working day will never end. But it doesn't bother me like it used to. I'm very grateful that I have a job that is helping support me and my family and I now know that as long as I keep being creative in my life I'll be ok. And who know if I work hard enough and develop my skills I may be lucky enough to turn my creative hobbies into a full time career :)
Well that's it for now! Hopefully your eyeballs are still functioning after reading that long convoluted blog post lol but more than anything I hope it inspires some of you to find your passion in life and make it a part of your daily life!
Untill next time peeps!
Jen :p
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